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"I'm hearing these different voices saying, here's how your book was used against me, here's how it was forced on me, or here's how I tried to - no one forced it on me, but I tried to apply it and it had this negative consequence in different ways," Harris told NPR during a recent interview."I'm trying to go back and really evaluate, you know, where did my book contribute to that? And where was that me and what I was writing, and where was that - the families and the church cultures and so on?"I don't think that's the way the life of faith works.And so when we try to overly control our own lives or overly control other people's lives, I think we end up harming people.His analysis and advice, however, has been more harmful than helpful.Harris fails to understand the relationship culture he critiques.
He spoke at conferences, gave radio and television interviews, and proselytized about the problems of dating and the benefits of courtship, cementing his reputation as a relationships expert A lot has changed since his meteoric rise.
Couples become emotionally intertwined and, soon thereafter, physically involved.
The crux of Harris’s critique: Dating leads to broken hearts, even if the couple never had sex or even kissed: each surrendered a piece of his or her heart that he or she can never get back.
Harris emphasizes that the problem of dating is not solved by “dating right.” In “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Harris reiterates that dating itself is “an approach to relationships that wants to go in a different direction than the one God has for us.” Nor can Christians redeem the process: “the boyfriend/girlfriend exclusiveness of the dating system is based on a self-seeking, pleasure-seeking attitude toward relationships,” Harris warns in “Dating Problems.” Far from trying to rescue dating from our human selfishness, Harris advocates courtship as promoting the right attitude and approach to relationships.
In Harris’s view, the arc of a godly romantic relationship progresses from friendship, to courtship, then engagement, and, finally, marriage.Released in 1997, when Harris was just 21 years old and had not yet been in a dating relationship, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" discusses the problems with contemporary "recreational dating" and presents "biblical courtship" as an alternative.