Dating a recent widow
I always ask my clients “What’s your partner’s most valuable asset – other than her portfolio?
Treatment can only work when your partner a) Is ready for treatment – not to please you but because life has become unmanageable; b) Commits to a consistent 12-months treatment program consisting of individual and group therapy; c) Commits to working on homework assignments to transfer what she learns in therapy to real life; d) Agrees to life affirming actions in form of working on the difficulties rather than continuing down the path of self-destruction; Yes, you heard right – it’s not you who has to be ready – it’s her!
They are very impulsive; volatile moods and angry outbursts are the norm; deficits in social perception and social skills become even more apparent when disappointments occur.
Plus co-occurring disorders such as substance and eating disturbances, reckless spending and mood disorders add to the emotional burden.
The repertoire generally includes parasuicidal gestures – none life-threatening surface wrist, ankle and upper thigh cutting – or suicide threats that scare a person who never dealt with somebody who is unable to regulate her emotions. How can I fix it.” Well the answer is easy, “You can’t fix it!
These behaviors are sometimes perceived as manipulative: To get attention and one’s needs met – “I need you here; you can’t leave; I show you why.” Scared and emotionally drained partners generally seek advice on how to get out; others are still confused about their partner’s behavior. ” When the partner with BPD travels the roller-coaster of emotions (it’s a habit and due to the lack of coping skills not because it feels good) the healthier partner feels overwhelmed and describes his situation as being “stuck between a rock and a hard place;” feeling bad and responsible hence unable to leave her, he states his partner gets “incredibly angry and sometimes physically and verbally abusive.” What follows is a pattern of submissive, self-loathing behaviors.
Jodi Arias – in my opinion, – a good example of a woman with quiet BPD (she functions superficially well but her chameleon-like façade breaks open once her relational views are challenged) murdered her ex-boyfriend Travis Alexander; Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction attempted to murder her former lover but failed and found her own death.